Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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