We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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