it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
