and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
