took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
