Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
