so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
