If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
