We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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