Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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