Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
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The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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