Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
