when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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