mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
