Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
