you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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