i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
