She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
