Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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