Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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