what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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