please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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