In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
