Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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