this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
