Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
