ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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