Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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