Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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