apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
