i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
