your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.