I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?