Im at strip club and am horny
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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