do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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