she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
