Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
