im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
