miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
