ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
