tonight lets celebrate not being married
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
