Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i believe in u and ur pee
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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