Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
