ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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