no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
