dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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