I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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