I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You pole danced in your parka.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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