That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
