i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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