i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
