Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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