As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
