1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We're too hungover to prance.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.