Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.