he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.