Pants 0. Shit 1.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
You kept saying you had to be safe.