I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.