I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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