My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want a musical about memes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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