I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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