I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize