I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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