I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
is wine microwaveable?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
