The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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