Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
