walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
