At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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