My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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