I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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