I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
