I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
