No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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