idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
