So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
