remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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