Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
